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1) One Day at a Time

Stop writing the beginning and the ending of your relationship before the first date. I’m guilty of this, I create storylines in my head and situations that probably won’t happen. I’ve bailed on many relationships because I’ve spooked myself out. Before a date I often repeat “one day at a time” until I believe it.

2) Stop listening to your friends.

I’ve made the mistake of talking to my friends about my relationships and instead of feeling better, I’ve lumped their insecurities unto my own, which often skewed the way I approached my relationship. Getting advice from a friend is great, but choose wisely who you get advice from and their motives. Not ever friend wants you be happy in love. That’s another post 👀

3) Be realistic:

You can’t get to know someone in two weeks or 2 months. Take your time and self-reflect after every date. Ask yourself, how you felt and if he/she was consistent. Keeping a journal has helped me manage my dating anxiety, by helping me see what’s tangible and what’s fantasy. It’s easy to work yourself into a frenzy thinking he’s ignored your call, but writing down that he mentioned he had a big meeting the day your call went unanswered may bring you back to reality.

4) Keep Active

Idle time is dangerous if you’re a over-analyzer! Workout, read, go out with your girlfriends, start a project. Do anything but sit home and scroll through old texts and their FB posts. It’s hard not to read into things but again unless you’re willing to confront the person you’re dating, coming to your own conclusions is wasteful and harmful.

5) Let them GO!

Not every date will turn into a walk down the aisle and that’s ok. You can enjoy a persons company without making a commitment to them and that may be best in most cases. This isn’t a race and you should move at your own pace. Just be clear with your intentions and enjoy the ceremony of dating and getting to know someone.

If my tips were helpful, let me know. I have a huge date In a couple of weeks and instead of freaking out, I’m working out and reading some long forgotten books I’ve started. I feel centred and I’m open to whatever happens. Get out there and keep dating! You’re worth getting to know!

Question: when was your last date? Did it go well? What would you have changed?

Kisses
trw

Being a good life partner means taking care of yourself so you can help your partner in their time of need.

Open up your heart, even if it’s been trampled

“And when you choose a life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things, including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for about 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone whose day you’ll hear about 18,000 times”

This quote gave me a mini anxiety attack! I’m happily dating right now and everything is going well but the reality of commitment and the future threw me for a loop. I tend to look 20 years down the line and not enjoy my relationship in the present, and doing that has ended many relationships that had potential. For some reason, I never envision myself happy with my husband but instead miserable and empty. I’m not sure if I’m projecting my fears or if I’m clairyvoyant. (I highly doubt I’m clairvoyant)

I’ve only had two meltdowns in this relationship and my new coping techniques are to either lift weights when I feel like the seriousness of the relationship is too much or to repeat my mantra. “If this isn’t working, I can always leave”. It’s really helped me take control of errant and baseless feelings.

How is your commitment journey going? Still feeling overwhelmed with love and dating? Are you focused on the end result and not the joy of dating? Check back tomorrow for some more coping techniques and tips on how to center yourself while getting to know someone romantically.

Don;t forget you can ask me for love advice in the comments or by email at the thereluctantwife@gmail.com

kisses

trw

couple on vacation

I love to travel, I’ve been fortunate to cross the globe a few times and I relish any opportunity to jump on a plane to visit a new and exciting local. My favorite kinds of vacations are those where I can take guided tours- learning about architecture, food and the history of the country. I typically travel with family or my girlfriends but recently I’ve been asked by fellow I’m dating to take a long weekend trip with him and I’m shitting bricks.

Travelling can bring out the worse in people. You can see the real nature and character of someone when they’re running late for a flight or they’ve misplaced their passport. I have some reservations about travelling with him, but I’ve decided to create a easy guideline for myself to ensure a happy and momentous trip.

Ms. Reluctant’s Fool Proof Guide to Having a Awesome Vacation with Your New Boyfriend Without Having a Anxiety Attack and Locking Yourself in the Bathroom for The Duration of Your Trip.

1) Budget: I hate discussing money with the people I date. I prefer to take care of my own expenses and I can admit to being quickly turned off when I realize that the person I like is cheap. That being said, if we’re travelling together, budget must be discussed. Are we each paying for our own way? Are we splitting the cheque when it comes to activities/meals? Who pays for the airport snacks? These are very important questions and the sooner they’re answered the better!

2) Where do I sleep?: Call me a prude, but I’m not sharing a room with my boyfriend. I think that some things are sacred and I’d prefer sharing that “first” in marriage. Plus, I want to pee, poop, brush my teeth, stretch, hog the covers, and a plethora of crazy things I do by myself without the judgment of my boyfriend.

3) What’s the schedule: I’m a easy going traveler. I’m great with walking for hours, lying around or enjoying my surroundings by people watching. I plan to make some suggestions of some things I want to do, but I don’t want to become itinerary obsessed. We’re here to enjoy each other outside of our normal routine and that means being open-minded and flexible.

I’m still a bit anxious, but I’m going with no expectations or negative energy. I’m not expecting a proposal, so if he bends down on one knee, I know it’s only to pick up a seashell or tie his shoes. To be totally honest, travelling together is way ahead of what’s normal for me on my relationship schedule, but I did promise to do away with some of my rules this relationship. I’m trying not to self-sabotage myself or pick a fight with him to get out of this trip. Trust me I’ve tried 

Do you have any travel tips you can share with me? I’d love to read them and add them to my list. My main concern now is finding non-wrinkly outfits to bring with me and doing some research on awesome restaurants to go to.

Talk soon and happy dating!
trw

I’m nosey and I want to get to know you. So get some wine/tea/water and start answering the below questions. These are also great ice breakers on the first or 45th date.

1.Kissed a girl?
2.Kissed a boy?
3.Had sex in public?
4.What’s your religion?
5.What does your URL mean?
6.Reason you joined tumblr?
7.Do you have any nicknames?
8.Do you like bubble bath?
9.Kissed in the rain?
10.Dyed your hair?
11.Soup or salad?
12.Vegetable or meat?
13.Go out drinking?
14.Smoke cigarettes?
15.Smoke weed?
16.Do any hard drugs?
17.Have you had sex today?
18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game?
22.Tried to commit suicide?
23.The last time you felt broken?
24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt?
25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair?
27.First thing you notice to a guy/girl?
28.Do you sing in the shower?
29.Do you dance in the car?
30.Where were you yesterday?
31.Ever used a bow and arrow?
32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
33.Do you think musicals are cheesy?
34.Is Christmas stressful?
35.Favorite type of fruit pie?
36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
37.Do you believe in ghosts?
38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
39.Take a vitamin daily?
40.Wear slippers?
41.Wear a bath robe?
42.What do you wear to bed?
43.Do you want to get married?
44.Can you curl your tongue?
Relationship preference:
45.How many relationships have you had?
46.How can I win your heart?
47.what makes a great relationship?
48.Shy OR open?
50.Religious OR non-religious?
51.Caring OR non-restricting of you?
52.Straight edge OR non-straight edge?
53.Piercings OR no piercings?
54.Tattoos OR no tattoos?
55.Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?

Answer in the comments and I’ll answer back

trw

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I was talking to a few girlfriends over the weekend about masturbation and they all mentioned how important it is in their sex lives. I’m not a prude but I was a bit shocked! I’ve always been under the impression that the more you masturbate the more desensitized your body is to the touch of your partner. Well, I was corrected this weekend! It’s was great to hear my friends share their experiences and debunk a sometimes taboo subject.
So let me ask you, do you masturbate more when you’re in a relationship or less? Do you and your partner masturbate together or separately?
Lastly, do you use sex toys or your own hands?

Remember, you can shoot me your dating and relationship questions at missreluctant@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter at missreluctant!

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