I wasn’t raised in an abusive home. My now divorced parents never fought, they were more passive aggressive with one another and yet I still fell in love with a man who verbally and physically abused me. I loved him, I was faithfully blind to him. I never questioned why he felt it necessary to yell and scream at me when he felt that I had broken one of his many rules or why he was so comfortable choking or slapping me in fits of anger.

He was a bit older, a master manipulator and great at playing on my insecurities. I’m embarrassed to admit that I adored him and I spent years trying to make him love me. I think sometimes the media shows a severe side of abusive but they don’t give any credence to the tiny fractures of abusive. Looking back there was times when I saw red flags but I ignored them because I wasn’t bloodied by his fists.
Some of the warning signs were him refusing to acknowledge my birthday, Christmas or any special occasion. He made me feel like I wasn’t worthy to be celebrated. The way he criticized my clothing, he loved calling me a “whore” when in fact I dressed very conservatively. Those are the things I wish a guidance counsellor, peer or parent had warned me about. I thought it was normal and tried to be quiet and good because I believed he would reward me with kindness.
He never did and thank God I finally left him and vowed to never be in a relationship where I was disrespected. I saw him recently and he apologized for being abusive both physically and verbally. It really touched me that he saw the errors of his ways and was man enough to admit his wrongs.
So my advice is: Don’t wait until he starts pushing and slapping you. If he’s rude, short or disrespectful to you LEAVE. It’s not your job to fix anyone and if they can’t love you for who you are they don’t need to be in your life.

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? If you’d like to share your story email me or leave your experience in the comment section

Love & Light
TRW

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