Today Janay Rice the wife of Ray Rice posted the above note about the domestic violence altercation that she was involved in this past February,. Yesterday , TMZ released a video of her husband Ray Rice punching her with such force in a elevator that she hit her head on a guardrail and passed out. You can see Ray dragging her body through the elevator door and kicking her legs closed. It’s horrible, I won’t post the video but I found myself struggling to fall asleep last night because I kept replaying the images in my head.

I refuse to focus on Ray in this post, he’s a monster and deserves no pity. I’m glad that all though late and I’m sure under pressure the NFL suspended him indefinitely. I hope this proves as a spring board in cutting any player who puts their hands on a woman. I am saddened by how many skewed comments I’ve read on this situation blaming Janay for Ray losing his job. She’s been called a troublemaker and a gold digger. People have blamed her for the fight since she slapped him first and even equated this with woman equality- suggesting that if a woman hits a man she gets what she deserves.

As a victim of domestic violence I know firsthand the guilt and embarrassment in being hit by someone who claims to love you. I always thought that if I was ever hit by a man that I would leave the relationship but that didn’t happen. Instead, I tried to love harder, excused bad behaviour and tried to be silent and not create waves. After reading Janay’s Instagram post this morning, I understand exactly how misguided she is about her part in this situation. She loves her husband and even though what he’s done to her is inexcusable, she cannot find the strength to point blame at her abuser. This isn’t about fame or money, this is about a woman who doesn’t see her worth. So instead of questioning her sanity for staying let’s question why she feels she can’t leave. Domestic violence is cyclical and the abuse won’t end with the release of their scuffle. There aren’t varying degrees of domestic violence, it’s not worse before or after marriage, if your partner is rich or poor. It’s always bad and never the victim’s fault. I fear for her. Recognizing that the media has the right to speak on this incident, I hope that someone reaches out to them and offers them the counselling that they so desperately need.

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