This is me to the core. I get so consumed with the possibility of breaking up, that I can’t enjoy the beautiful phases of getting to know someone. I’m not sure why relationships make me feel so anxious. It might be due to my parents divorce, or sabotaging my relationship with my one true love. But, the thought of being with someone long-term terrifies me to the point where most of relationships are conducted with people who don’t have access to me. I thrive on text messages, but clam up in person. I actively seek to ruin relationships when they’re on the precipice of commitment. I feel too damaged to commit myself completely. I don’t want anyone to see my flaws, blemishes, and mistakes. I’d rather be stared at than undressed. I’d rather kiss in poorly lit corners than meet parents. I’m more comfortable eating alone than around a large table of in-laws. I’ve always been like this, it’s exhausting but it’s who I am for now, hopefully. 
Over the next few weeks in going to go with the flow and let things unfold naturally. I met someone recently, who seems nice but I’m not going to project my worries on him or psychology-analyze everything. I’m just going to take deep breaths and be active in getting to know him. I expect nothing. 

Does anyone else feel this way? 

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