In a matter of days, things have fallen apart.

Part of me blames myself but if I’m honest with myself, I saw the writing on the wall a few weeks ago. I’m not clairvoyant, but when I look into the future, I never see him. I don’t see us sitting on the couch watching jeopardy. I don’t see him making me a cup of tea in the morning. I don’t see children that have his eyes and my sense of adventure. I don’t see us closing on our first home. I see nothing. I think that’s why I kept coming back, because  there was no pressure to stay. We enjoyed a love that is sporadic and though I would’t admit it, I liked knowing that I was never pressured to put down roots.

I’m at a weird place in my life, where I have to make serious decisions on who I want to be and where I want to go. I need consistency, even though I lack it and I need to know that a few days without communication isn’t a deal breaker. I’m imperfect and dating me can be difficult but my insertions and heart are always pure. This feels like the end, but who knows.

 

trw

 

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