It’s been a week since our last conversation and though I miss him, I feel ok. In trying not to over analyze the reasons why he doesn’t want to talk to me, his reasons make no sense and  I have my theories, but the cold truth is that he doesn’t love me. I had a wine and cheese night with some friends recently and they told me that he does love me and that he’s confused and all the things you normally tell your friend when she’s hurting. Though I appreciate their words of support, I know he just doesn’t love me. I think I’ve always known this but I needed this last breakup to really solidify what I’ve always secretly known and never wanted to admit. I’m scared. I keep having these dreams that we’re together and happy but I wake up and he’s not here and he hasn’t texted. He’s ok with not talking to me and I guess I’m too prideful to text him, which is a bigger problem in itself. My love future looks a bit bleak but I’m forcing myself to accept a future without him. 

To take my mind off him, I’ve gone back to some of my old ways. I’ve been drinking a lot of green juice, going on walks, catching up my favorite tv shoes and listening to music. Problem is, I see him in everything. Every time I find a bit pleasure in my current pain, I want to share it with him which causes me more pain because I can’t. I wish the pain was acute. I wish it burned so I’d at least be able to tip toe around it. Instead it ebbs and flows and just when I think I’m ok, fat, hot tears start to roll down my cheeks. I’m physically tired of caring about him and I’m praying that this it. That he won’t text me, that I won’t reply and that we had will be a distant memory. 

I’d love to hear your breakup tips, leave them in the comments ❤️

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