When I moved to the US many moons ago, the first person that I dated informed me that we’re “talking.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I went along with it. I still have no idea what “talking” means and to be honest, I think it’s bullshit. Now, I don’t think just because you talk on the phone every night or share screenshots of food it means that you’re in a committed relationship, but I do believe that giving the early stages of a relationship the label of “talking” gives it a false sense of security. I’ve wasted time devoting myself to one person in the talking phase only to discover that they were talking to multiple people at the same time. Not only did I feel misled, but it felt sneaky. Everyone wants to be chosen, that’s the literal reason that we date, I just think that in the pursuit of finding a perfect mate we can still be kind to all of the people we’re getting to know.

My new dating rule for 2017, is to be upfront with everyone that I’m getting to know and lay it on the table. I don’t want to cause unnecessary pain to a good person because I’m indecisive or interested in multiple people. This time around, I’m not getting attached to what may happen in the future in the “talking” phase. My expectatations are low and I take things at face value. If we see each other, great. If we don’t, great. I won’t refuse dates from possible suitors even when I really like someone and I won’t take it personally if things don’t work out.

It’s 10 days into the new year! What are some of your dating goals? Do you think that the “talking” phase is bullshit too?
trw

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