Pastor: Tonight, we are praying for relationships. If you’re happy in your relationship, come to the altar. If your relationship is falling apart, come to the altar. Me: *keeps bum planted firmly in pew* 

Pastor: Sister Topaz, why are you sitting down? Did you not hear the call? 

Me: Oh, I did. I’m not in a relationship

Pastor: You are not in a relationship? 

Me: No

Pastor: What you are saying is that you are not in a relationship? 

Me: No, Pastor. I am not in a relationship 

Pastor: So are you saying that there is no one that you are texting in the evening time? 

Topaz: Well, I-

Pastor: No one in your inbox wanting to spend time with you? 

Topaz: Well, technically-

Pastor: I think you need to come to the altar, you are confused and you need extra prayer

Me: *slithers to the altar*