Archives for posts with tag: advice

Alright, I got my cornmeal porridge and large mint tea. Let’s break this down. If you’re just catching up, I went on a never-ending date with a 42 year old Jewish man. I had a great time. We went out for dinner, had ice cream and shared a slice of “white pizza.” He showed up in a suit, I’m guessing he came right after work. I was impressed that he could actually breathe in his suit. It was fitted but not spray painted on, I hate that trend. Can’t even lift your hands in worship without fear of splitting your jacket. He looked like he cares about skin care and grooming but that he could take a punch to the face. That’s really important to me, being cute is nice, but can you defend me against a mountain lion? 
He had all of his teeth and his nails were manicured. 

Extremely polite, always held my hand whenever we crossed the street, lots of “lower back guiding.” 

He was very… “touchy” 

I’m not sure if it bothered me, I hate physical touch.. or if that’s normal behavior. 

While eating pizza I had some crumbs on my lips and he wiped it off and my stomach felt jumpy. 

I’m not sure if it was butterflies, I mean, I was raised in the mean streets of Mavis. I’m the embodiment of “thug life” I’m not one to be swept up in feely feelings. It was weird.. 

#TopieDates

The weather outside is absolutely dreadful. I knew it was too balmy last night when I went to my neighborhood bodega for some mintballs and Arizona “Mucho Mango” juice! While staring out the window, I started to think about ideal vacation spots that I’d love to go with a boyfriend or husband. Would I rather lay around on a sandy beach or go sight-seeing? Would I rather stay in a luxurious hotel or stay in a hostel with other travelers. Would I rather eat food that I recognize or eat the delights of a foreign country? So many questions. What’s your ideal vacation and have you ever traveled with a lover? Growing up, I was cautioned that ladies don’t vacation with men who aren’t their husbands but I think that’s absolute bullshit. I think it’s great to discover new things and places with someone you care about. Also it’s a great way to see how your partner handles stress. Connecting flights, TSA pat-downs, and gross airport food can bring out the beast in people. When building something long-term its important to see the unpleasant traits of your partner. 

Where have you travelled and where would you love to go? 

“Do not allow him to consume you. If he does not call, go to sleep. If he does not message, put your phone away and have a fantastic day anyway. If he acts distant when you are with him and refuses to tell you what is wrong, don’t wait for him, go home and do something you love. If he tries to insinuate you do not need your friends now that you have him, spend more time with your friends. If he tries to teach you a lesson through the silent treatment, ignore him completely.
If he plays with your feelings constantly, walk away from him. If he acts like your body is his entitlement when you are not ready, walk away from him. If he says terrible, unforgivable things and threatens to leave you after every argument, walk away from him. If he forbids you from doing anything you love, walk away from him. If he claims ownership of your accomplishments, walk away from him. If he demeans you or disrespects your being a girl and refuses to stop when you tell him it hurts, walk away from him.
I cannot stress this enough, you live for yourself first. He is a secondary character in the story of your life. Do not allow him to turn you into a secondary character in your own book.”
Nikita Gill, Advice to Teenage Girls Finding Their Way Through Love.

beautiful and important words. Please spread this wildly
trw

You don’t treat me the right way, you use words as your escape 

empty promises, what a mistake

dissed my sweetness for some new cake

crumbs spilled all over your table

you got so full, I blame it on your ego.

mercy and grace, I tried to extend

caught you sleeping with my best friend

what a whirlwind, how could you sleep with my cousin

Is your purpose in life to assault me, asked me to be blind to your creeping

words, sentences, pages, worn covers 

the shit we went through could fill the library of congress

empty words, read between the sentence, you changed your mind about us 

It’s been a week since our last conversation and though I miss him, I feel ok. In trying not to over analyze the reasons why he doesn’t want to talk to me, his reasons make no sense and  I have my theories, but the cold truth is that he doesn’t love me. I had a wine and cheese night with some friends recently and they told me that he does love me and that he’s confused and all the things you normally tell your friend when she’s hurting. Though I appreciate their words of support, I know he just doesn’t love me. I think I’ve always known this but I needed this last breakup to really solidify what I’ve always secretly known and never wanted to admit. I’m scared. I keep having these dreams that we’re together and happy but I wake up and he’s not here and he hasn’t texted. He’s ok with not talking to me and I guess I’m too prideful to text him, which is a bigger problem in itself. My love future looks a bit bleak but I’m forcing myself to accept a future without him. 

To take my mind off him, I’ve gone back to some of my old ways. I’ve been drinking a lot of green juice, going on walks, catching up my favorite tv shoes and listening to music. Problem is, I see him in everything. Every time I find a bit pleasure in my current pain, I want to share it with him which causes me more pain because I can’t. I wish the pain was acute. I wish it burned so I’d at least be able to tip toe around it. Instead it ebbs and flows and just when I think I’m ok, fat, hot tears start to roll down my cheeks. I’m physically tired of caring about him and I’m praying that this it. That he won’t text me, that I won’t reply and that we had will be a distant memory. 

I’d love to hear your breakup tips, leave them in the comments ❤️

Can i share some relationship advice that my brother gave me a few years ago? Ok, when you’re dating or getting to know someone who lives several hours away from you, see them as soon as possible. I know it seems wise to wait a few months to be safe just in case the person is pyscho, but in this day in age with FaceTime and Skype, if it’s been several months and you still haven’t seen the person that you claim to like it’s a clear indication that you really don’t like the person as much as you think you do. Before you say “it’s expensive to travel” if you can’t afford a plane ticket then you should focus on getting a part-time job and not a full-time boyfriend.

If you’re avoiding vulnerability, have lots of options, want to shed a few pounds or feel shy just STOP> The person you’re trying to get to know you at your worst or least secure and if you don;t trust them with that responsibility end the relationship immediately.
I’m a long-distance relationship expert, i won’t be challenged on this.

I love love love this video from Evette James, not only is she hilarious but she’s right on the nose about men who love to use the term “we’re just cool.’ I think being cool is fine but there comes a point in a relationship that cool should turn into commitment. This dude is oblivious to all the things that his girlfriend does for him and with him and if he’s uncomfortable letting people know that he’s in a committed relationship, he needs to go. I’ve never been the type to wash clothes, cook, or spend time with my boyfriends family before commitment. Not that I don’t want to do those kind of things for the person I like, but I’ve been taken advantage of before and I’m careful not to do girlfriend things in the dating stage. The “hook up culture” has completely annihilated the dating stage and it’s my mission to re-introduce it to people that I give love advice to. I love the dating stage, getting to know someone is wonderful and the more time we invest in that stage the better the foundation to build on.

Check out the video and you can find more of her work here

xoxo TRW