Archives for posts with tag: Commitment

I wish a she-bear would burst into this restaurant and devour me. This date is is going no where fast. No more pastors. #TopieDates 

And for the record, there’s NO WHERE in the Bible where it says that a woman has to change her last name and that has nothing to with her unwillingness to submit. And secondly, no one wants to talk about submission on the first date And thirdly, there’s never a situation where you can eat a sweet potato fry off my plate.


Conversation was great, lots of laughing. For a long time a partner that made me laugh wasn’t a requirement, now it is. He was incredibly witty, well read and a bit snarky but in the good way. I typically avoid discussions about religion or politics but as WOC in the company of a White person, I need to know if you’re Right leaning/homophobic/bigot/transphobic etc. Me: Mmmm, this salmon is so good, so did you vote for Trump? 

Alright, I got my cornmeal porridge and large mint tea. Let’s break this down. If you’re just catching up, I went on a never-ending date with a 42 year old Jewish man. I had a great time. We went out for dinner, had ice cream and shared a slice of “white pizza.” He showed up in a suit, I’m guessing he came right after work. I was impressed that he could actually breathe in his suit. It was fitted but not spray painted on, I hate that trend. Can’t even lift your hands in worship without fear of splitting your jacket. He looked like he cares about skin care and grooming but that he could take a punch to the face. That’s really important to me, being cute is nice, but can you defend me against a mountain lion? 
He had all of his teeth and his nails were manicured. 

Extremely polite, always held my hand whenever we crossed the street, lots of “lower back guiding.” 

He was very… “touchy” 

I’m not sure if it bothered me, I hate physical touch.. or if that’s normal behavior. 

While eating pizza I had some crumbs on my lips and he wiped it off and my stomach felt jumpy. 

I’m not sure if it was butterflies, I mean, I was raised in the mean streets of Mavis. I’m the embodiment of “thug life” I’m not one to be swept up in feely feelings. It was weird.. 


I was a super-fan of SATC, I have the DVDs, books, board game, and ringtone. I’ve watched the series many times, but I recently started to rewatch from the end (doesn’t make sense, I don’t make sense). I always thought that Carrie and Mr.Big were the perfect star-crossed couple and I rooted for them through all 6 seasons and movies. Rewatching, I’m seeing their relationship for what is really is, emotionally abusive and toxic. I totally forgot that Big got married to another woman, refused to give Carrie a key, had an affair with Carrie, acted weird after his angioplasty, and left her at the altar. Yes, coming to Paris was romantic but I feel like Carrie really settled with him and should’ve stayed with Aiden. It made me think of the guy that I keep running back to. He hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend, he never remembers special dates, refuses to commit, and bad talks me to his friends. A part of me, like Carrie, has built him up to be a “white knight” because I’m truly blinded by how much of a jerk he is. I know we have no future, but I like to hold onto the relationship because I’m afraid to get hurt by a stranger. I prefer the familiar pain that I’m accustomed to. 

This year, one of my New Years resolutions is to date guys that I haven’t dated before. It’s worked really well for me, I like two people right now, who I originally refused to date because it was unknown territory. I’ve finally closed the chapter on my Mr.Big, and I finally feel free to love again and I’m excited about it. On another note, aside from the going back to my ex thing, I am Miranda! Maybe I’m emotionally stunted but i think I’ve treated my exes like Steve. Lovely guys who jump through hoops to treat me nicely and who I keep at a safe distance, maybe I do this because I’m expecting my Mr. Big to come charging back into my life on a white horse. Whatever the reason, I’ve stopped the cycle. The guy I’m getting to know told me recently that I’m “hard to please” and he wishes I’d be more agreeable. So next week, I plan to say “yes” more and embrace being more flexibile. It won’t be easy, but if Miranda moved to Brooklyn for Steve, I can say “yes” to lunch at Panera. 
What character resonates with you? 

Were you a super-fan of SATC? 

How often do you need to hear from the person you’re dating? I think hearing from them everyday is important but I understand that with life, work, children, and other commitments that may be challenging. I long for the days when you could stay up all night and talk to the person you were interested in. I love the “getting to know you” phase in the very beginning. Reading the chapters of people’s lives and finding out about their nuiances, what makes them tick and smile. I’ve known the person that I like right now, for years but it feels in many ways that I’m getting to know him for the first time. I chalk it up to my immaturity and conversations that lacked depth because of my fear of commitment. I’m facing my fears with him, I’m scared that he may hurt me but I trust myself enough to know that if he does I’m strong enough to deal with it

I haven’t heard from him today, do you think its too late to call?



This is me to the core. I get so consumed with the possibility of breaking up, that I can’t enjoy the beautiful phases of getting to know someone. I’m not sure why relationships make me feel so anxious. It might be due to my parents divorce, or sabotaging my relationship with my one true love. But, the thought of being with someone long-term terrifies me to the point where most of relationships are conducted with people who don’t have access to me. I thrive on text messages, but clam up in person. I actively seek to ruin relationships when they’re on the precipice of commitment. I feel too damaged to commit myself completely. I don’t want anyone to see my flaws, blemishes, and mistakes. I’d rather be stared at than undressed. I’d rather kiss in poorly lit corners than meet parents. I’m more comfortable eating alone than around a large table of in-laws. I’ve always been like this, it’s exhausting but it’s who I am for now, hopefully. 
Over the next few weeks in going to go with the flow and let things unfold naturally. I met someone recently, who seems nice but I’m not going to project my worries on him or psychology-analyze everything. I’m just going to take deep breaths and be active in getting to know him. I expect nothing. 

Does anyone else feel this way? 

I’m in bed, eating fruit thinking about where we went wrong, I’ve got the breakup blues! I could call him, ask him if he still misses me, ask him if there’s a chance that we can sort things out, but I won’t. I know he’s not the one and forcing him to be is wrong. It doesn’t help that I’ve been having some interesting dreams about him where we have epic make out sessions and eat huge plates of fries …
He taught me a lot about myself and this year, I plan to date a bit differently. I’m going to ask the tough questions upfront (are you dating multiple people) and eliminate men who are “fixer-uppers”. I love projects and re-making a guy is a lot of fun for me but it’s also emotionally draining and leaves me unfulfilled. I’m also going to deal with my Dad issues, commitment issues and my anxiety about planning for the future. I strongly believe that these are some of the reasons that relationships are so challenging for me and why I avoid them. I’ve been concocting poultices for my issues but this year I plan to dig in and do the work and heal.
I expect lots of tears and frustration but I know it will be worth it.
For now, I’m listening to 80s pop music, working out everyday and eating lots of fruit. I’ve decided to nix the ice cream and cookies route because I may see him next week lol. I’m sure our first conversation will be interesting but I’m looking forward to seeing his face or maybe hugging him.
I have to remind myself that he’s not my enemy but someone I cared deeply about.

Do you have some background issues that you have to deal with before you start dating again? What are they?

Miss Reluctant