Archives for posts with tag: Dating

Conversation was great, lots of laughing. For a long time a partner that made me laugh wasn’t a requirement, now it is. He was incredibly witty, well read and a bit snarky but in the good way. I typically avoid discussions about religion or politics but as WOC in the company of a White person, I need to know if you’re Right leaning/homophobic/bigot/transphobic etc. Me: Mmmm, this salmon is so good, so did you vote for Trump? 


Alright, I got my cornmeal porridge and large mint tea. Let’s break this down. If you’re just catching up, I went on a never-ending date with a 42 year old Jewish man. I had a great time. We went out for dinner, had ice cream and shared a slice of “white pizza.” He showed up in a suit, I’m guessing he came right after work. I was impressed that he could actually breathe in his suit. It was fitted but not spray painted on, I hate that trend. Can’t even lift your hands in worship without fear of splitting your jacket. He looked like he cares about skin care and grooming but that he could take a punch to the face. That’s really important to me, being cute is nice, but can you defend me against a mountain lion? 
He had all of his teeth and his nails were manicured. 

Extremely polite, always held my hand whenever we crossed the street, lots of “lower back guiding.” 

He was very… “touchy” 

I’m not sure if it bothered me, I hate physical touch.. or if that’s normal behavior. 

While eating pizza I had some crumbs on my lips and he wiped it off and my stomach felt jumpy. 

I’m not sure if it was butterflies, I mean, I was raised in the mean streets of Mavis. I’m the embodiment of “thug life” I’m not one to be swept up in feely feelings. It was weird.. 


Well, my friends and loved ones, I have my first date in almost 9 years this evening. I’m not sure how to feel about it, I’m a bit nervous, a bit excited, and a wee over it! Like I said on Monday, I hate dating and everything that comes with it, but I’m going to dust off my LBD and hope for the best. Hey, if he doesn’t like my dimple and sense of humor, it’s his loss. I’m also trying to give up control by not asking too much details and going with “the flow.” This will be challenging, because I’m a control freak, but it’s impossible to sustain a relationship if you have to know what’s around every single corner. Old Topie would typically ask where we’re going, look up the menu, ask him what’s he’s wearing, tell him to meet me somewhere, etc. New Topie is going to meet him at my place, get in the car and allow the date, (which is a blind date) to unfold.

These are details! 


Real Estate 

43 (too young, but I’ll allow it) 


Never married, no kids

Loves mountain biking, marathons, classic movies, and traveling. 

He’s funny and texts every day. 

So, the last time I went on date, “Frazier” was on tv, so does anyone have any dating tips they can share? 

If he buys dinner, do I buy dessert? 🤔

If he asks me if I’d like to have a “night cap” should I try to pick one up at CVS or get one before the date starts? Do they sell “night caps” that will fit my head? 🤔

Do I shake his hand or give him a hug? 🤔

Should I bring flats? Or stick to my Tory Burch heels? 🤔

Should I wear a “Sabbath Scent” or wear a lighter daytime scent? 

If he calls a uber, do I offer to split it or let him pay for it? 🤔
Your input would be great and you can follow my date this evening at #TopieDates

I met a really guy nice recently. He’s handsome, witty, a wee snarky, intelligent, musically inclined, loves indie movies and he’s a foodie. He’s pretty perfect. I just ended a conversation with him because he said “I don’t like curried goat.” I can’t believe I’ve spent the last 5 weeks talking to this Philistine. 

I feel tricked, used, goatfished and quite frankly, angry. 

How dare he waste my time like this. I know I should pray but I’m just too frustrated to lay this at the altar. Is this how Issac felt when he realized that his Dad was leading him to his death under the guise of wanting to spend quality time? I was thisclose to starting a life with someone who doesn’t appreciate the flavor complexity of goat that has been curried amidst a pool of onions and pimento. 

I’m floored.

Why do I always attract white men who want to repel, climb, and flip off of things on our first date? Why do we have to die on our first date, Chad? It’s Black History Month, I don’t have Obamacare and you want to go mountain biking and foraging on Saturday afternoon. Why can’t we ease into the extreme adventures? Can we go to the park, maybe Starbucks, try some Baklava or catch a movie? Why do I have to rent shin and wrist pads to hang out with you? Stop it, Chad. 


When I moved to the US many moons ago, the first person that I dated informed me that we’re “talking.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I went along with it. I still have no idea what “talking” means and to be honest, I think it’s bullshit. Now, I don’t think just because you talk on the phone every night or share screenshots of food it means that you’re in a committed relationship, but I do believe that giving the early stages of a relationship the label of “talking” gives it a false sense of security. I’ve wasted time devoting myself to one person in the talking phase only to discover that they were talking to multiple people at the same time. Not only did I feel misled, but it felt sneaky. Everyone wants to be chosen, that’s the literal reason that we date, I just think that in the pursuit of finding a perfect mate we can still be kind to all of the people we’re getting to know.

My new dating rule for 2017, is to be upfront with everyone that I’m getting to know and lay it on the table. I don’t want to cause unnecessary pain to a good person because I’m indecisive or interested in multiple people. This time around, I’m not getting attached to what may happen in the future in the “talking” phase. My expectatations are low and I take things at face value. If we see each other, great. If we don’t, great. I won’t refuse dates from possible suitors even when I really like someone and I won’t take it personally if things don’t work out.

It’s 10 days into the new year! What are some of your dating goals? Do you think that the “talking” phase is bullshit too?

I decided to record a quick podcast featuring some of my reader questions. I’ll be discussing open relationships and a financially illiterate boyfriend! Happy listening, please share and send me your questions and concerns.

click here