Archives for posts with tag: love advice

I wish a she-bear would burst into this restaurant and devour me. This date is is going no where fast. No more pastors. #TopieDates 

And for the record, there’s NO WHERE in the Bible where it says that a woman has to change her last name and that has nothing to with her unwillingness to submit. And secondly, no one wants to talk about submission on the first date And thirdly, there’s never a situation where you can eat a sweet potato fry off my plate.


Conversation was great, lots of laughing. For a long time a partner that made me laugh wasn’t a requirement, now it is. He was incredibly witty, well read and a bit snarky but in the good way. I typically avoid discussions about religion or politics but as WOC in the company of a White person, I need to know if you’re Right leaning/homophobic/bigot/transphobic etc. Me: Mmmm, this salmon is so good, so did you vote for Trump? 

Alright, I got my cornmeal porridge and large mint tea. Let’s break this down. If you’re just catching up, I went on a never-ending date with a 42 year old Jewish man. I had a great time. We went out for dinner, had ice cream and shared a slice of “white pizza.” He showed up in a suit, I’m guessing he came right after work. I was impressed that he could actually breathe in his suit. It was fitted but not spray painted on, I hate that trend. Can’t even lift your hands in worship without fear of splitting your jacket. He looked like he cares about skin care and grooming but that he could take a punch to the face. That’s really important to me, being cute is nice, but can you defend me against a mountain lion? 
He had all of his teeth and his nails were manicured. 

Extremely polite, always held my hand whenever we crossed the street, lots of “lower back guiding.” 

He was very… “touchy” 

I’m not sure if it bothered me, I hate physical touch.. or if that’s normal behavior. 

While eating pizza I had some crumbs on my lips and he wiped it off and my stomach felt jumpy. 

I’m not sure if it was butterflies, I mean, I was raised in the mean streets of Mavis. I’m the embodiment of “thug life” I’m not one to be swept up in feely feelings. It was weird.. 


Well, my friends and loved ones, I have my first date in almost 9 years this evening. I’m not sure how to feel about it, I’m a bit nervous, a bit excited, and a wee over it! Like I said on Monday, I hate dating and everything that comes with it, but I’m going to dust off my LBD and hope for the best. Hey, if he doesn’t like my dimple and sense of humor, it’s his loss. I’m also trying to give up control by not asking too much details and going with “the flow.” This will be challenging, because I’m a control freak, but it’s impossible to sustain a relationship if you have to know what’s around every single corner. Old Topie would typically ask where we’re going, look up the menu, ask him what’s he’s wearing, tell him to meet me somewhere, etc. New Topie is going to meet him at my place, get in the car and allow the date, (which is a blind date) to unfold.

These are details! 


Real Estate 

43 (too young, but I’ll allow it) 


Never married, no kids

Loves mountain biking, marathons, classic movies, and traveling. 

He’s funny and texts every day. 

So, the last time I went on date, “Frazier” was on tv, so does anyone have any dating tips they can share? 

If he buys dinner, do I buy dessert? 🤔

If he asks me if I’d like to have a “night cap” should I try to pick one up at CVS or get one before the date starts? Do they sell “night caps” that will fit my head? 🤔

Do I shake his hand or give him a hug? 🤔

Should I bring flats? Or stick to my Tory Burch heels? 🤔

Should I wear a “Sabbath Scent” or wear a lighter daytime scent? 

If he calls a uber, do I offer to split it or let him pay for it? 🤔
Your input would be great and you can follow my date this evening at #TopieDates

I met a really guy nice recently. He’s handsome, witty, a wee snarky, intelligent, musically inclined, loves indie movies and he’s a foodie. He’s pretty perfect. I just ended a conversation with him because he said “I don’t like curried goat.” I can’t believe I’ve spent the last 5 weeks talking to this Philistine. 

I feel tricked, used, goatfished and quite frankly, angry. 

How dare he waste my time like this. I know I should pray but I’m just too frustrated to lay this at the altar. Is this how Issac felt when he realized that his Dad was leading him to his death under the guise of wanting to spend quality time? I was thisclose to starting a life with someone who doesn’t appreciate the flavor complexity of goat that has been curried amidst a pool of onions and pimento. 

I’m floored.

There are moments, (ok..let’s be honest) there are several moments that I’m very hasty! I tend to shut potential suitors off because of a ill expressed text, a joke that went awry or them not wholeheartedly agreeing with me. I’m such a brat! I ended things perhaps a bit prematurely with a person because he said he wanted more sexually. I got my panties all in a bunch and decided that he was way too carnal for me and my prudish sensibilities. I told him to stop contacting me and that we had no future. My wonderful (single) friends cheered me on and I felt that I made the right decision. Then a few days passed and I started to miss him terribly. I missed his laugh, his dimples, his broken English and well, everything. So I decided to text him. The conversation went well but it left me with a lot of questions. 

Why did I cut him off so quickly?

 Why didn’t I give him the opportunity to explain himself?

 Why do I insist on making serious life-altering decisions on the strength of text messages? 

He was a wee vulgar but I didn’t allow him the oppurtunity to apologize or even explain himself. It almost felt that I knew I was really digging him, so I had to cut him off as a way out. 

I literally had to humble myself and shake some sense into myself. This is what I came up with: Someone wanting you sexually doesn’t mean that that’s the only reason they want you. It’s not fair to silence your partner because they share their desire for you with you. Ultimately, you can control how far things go sexually, so cutting someone off because they want to be physical is a bit hasty. 

This is why I’m “the reluctant wife,” I struggle with ending things romantically even though I want them. Maybe it’s low-self-esteem, uncertainty or not feeling adequate.. I’m not sure but this year I want to get to the root of the problem. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me and I want to invest in someone who will make me happy for a lifetime. 
Are you too hasty? I’d love to hear your stories in the comment section! 

If you don’t love me like President Obama loves Michelle, kindly leave me alone. His words and tears gave me the kick in the pants, to finally admit that I want that kind of love. I’m no more the “reluctant wife” but someone who deserves to be loved completely and totally by a great person. No longer will I settle with empty promises, nice intentions, and flowery words. I will instead seek to better myself and prepare myself for the partner I deserve. I will be vulnerable, open and dedicated to putting in the work to create a long lasting relationship. It won’t be easy but it’s absolutely worth it. 
What are your relationship goals? Do you have a couple that you look up to?


*you can follow me @thereluctantwife and on Facebook “The Reluctant Wife” let’s hang out and talk!