Archives for posts with tag: Relationships

I wish a she-bear would burst into this restaurant and devour me. This date is is going no where fast. No more pastors. #TopieDates 

And for the record, there’s NO WHERE in the Bible where it says that a woman has to change her last name and that has nothing to with her unwillingness to submit. And secondly, no one wants to talk about submission on the first date And thirdly, there’s never a situation where you can eat a sweet potato fry off my plate.


Conversation was great, lots of laughing. For a long time a partner that made me laugh wasn’t a requirement, now it is. He was incredibly witty, well read and a bit snarky but in the good way. I typically avoid discussions about religion or politics but as WOC in the company of a White person, I need to know if you’re Right leaning/homophobic/bigot/transphobic etc. Me: Mmmm, this salmon is so good, so did you vote for Trump? 

Alright, I got my cornmeal porridge and large mint tea. Let’s break this down. If you’re just catching up, I went on a never-ending date with a 42 year old Jewish man. I had a great time. We went out for dinner, had ice cream and shared a slice of “white pizza.” He showed up in a suit, I’m guessing he came right after work. I was impressed that he could actually breathe in his suit. It was fitted but not spray painted on, I hate that trend. Can’t even lift your hands in worship without fear of splitting your jacket. He looked like he cares about skin care and grooming but that he could take a punch to the face. That’s really important to me, being cute is nice, but can you defend me against a mountain lion? 
He had all of his teeth and his nails were manicured. 

Extremely polite, always held my hand whenever we crossed the street, lots of “lower back guiding.” 

He was very… “touchy” 

I’m not sure if it bothered me, I hate physical touch.. or if that’s normal behavior. 

While eating pizza I had some crumbs on my lips and he wiped it off and my stomach felt jumpy. 

I’m not sure if it was butterflies, I mean, I was raised in the mean streets of Mavis. I’m the embodiment of “thug life” I’m not one to be swept up in feely feelings. It was weird.. 


Well, my friends and loved ones, I have my first date in almost 9 years this evening. I’m not sure how to feel about it, I’m a bit nervous, a bit excited, and a wee over it! Like I said on Monday, I hate dating and everything that comes with it, but I’m going to dust off my LBD and hope for the best. Hey, if he doesn’t like my dimple and sense of humor, it’s his loss. I’m also trying to give up control by not asking too much details and going with “the flow.” This will be challenging, because I’m a control freak, but it’s impossible to sustain a relationship if you have to know what’s around every single corner. Old Topie would typically ask where we’re going, look up the menu, ask him what’s he’s wearing, tell him to meet me somewhere, etc. New Topie is going to meet him at my place, get in the car and allow the date, (which is a blind date) to unfold.

These are details! 


Real Estate 

43 (too young, but I’ll allow it) 


Never married, no kids

Loves mountain biking, marathons, classic movies, and traveling. 

He’s funny and texts every day. 

So, the last time I went on date, “Frazier” was on tv, so does anyone have any dating tips they can share? 

If he buys dinner, do I buy dessert? 🤔

If he asks me if I’d like to have a “night cap” should I try to pick one up at CVS or get one before the date starts? Do they sell “night caps” that will fit my head? 🤔

Do I shake his hand or give him a hug? 🤔

Should I bring flats? Or stick to my Tory Burch heels? 🤔

Should I wear a “Sabbath Scent” or wear a lighter daytime scent? 

If he calls a uber, do I offer to split it or let him pay for it? 🤔
Your input would be great and you can follow my date this evening at #TopieDates

I met a really guy nice recently. He’s handsome, witty, a wee snarky, intelligent, musically inclined, loves indie movies and he’s a foodie. He’s pretty perfect. I just ended a conversation with him because he said “I don’t like curried goat.” I can’t believe I’ve spent the last 5 weeks talking to this Philistine. 

I feel tricked, used, goatfished and quite frankly, angry. 

How dare he waste my time like this. I know I should pray but I’m just too frustrated to lay this at the altar. Is this how Issac felt when he realized that his Dad was leading him to his death under the guise of wanting to spend quality time? I was thisclose to starting a life with someone who doesn’t appreciate the flavor complexity of goat that has been curried amidst a pool of onions and pimento. 

I’m floored.

The weather outside is absolutely dreadful. I knew it was too balmy last night when I went to my neighborhood bodega for some mintballs and Arizona “Mucho Mango” juice! While staring out the window, I started to think about ideal vacation spots that I’d love to go with a boyfriend or husband. Would I rather lay around on a sandy beach or go sight-seeing? Would I rather stay in a luxurious hotel or stay in a hostel with other travelers. Would I rather eat food that I recognize or eat the delights of a foreign country? So many questions. What’s your ideal vacation and have you ever traveled with a lover? Growing up, I was cautioned that ladies don’t vacation with men who aren’t their husbands but I think that’s absolute bullshit. I think it’s great to discover new things and places with someone you care about. Also it’s a great way to see how your partner handles stress. Connecting flights, TSA pat-downs, and gross airport food can bring out the beast in people. When building something long-term its important to see the unpleasant traits of your partner. 

Where have you travelled and where would you love to go? 

I was a super-fan of SATC, I have the DVDs, books, board game, and ringtone. I’ve watched the series many times, but I recently started to rewatch from the end (doesn’t make sense, I don’t make sense). I always thought that Carrie and Mr.Big were the perfect star-crossed couple and I rooted for them through all 6 seasons and movies. Rewatching, I’m seeing their relationship for what is really is, emotionally abusive and toxic. I totally forgot that Big got married to another woman, refused to give Carrie a key, had an affair with Carrie, acted weird after his angioplasty, and left her at the altar. Yes, coming to Paris was romantic but I feel like Carrie really settled with him and should’ve stayed with Aiden. It made me think of the guy that I keep running back to. He hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend, he never remembers special dates, refuses to commit, and bad talks me to his friends. A part of me, like Carrie, has built him up to be a “white knight” because I’m truly blinded by how much of a jerk he is. I know we have no future, but I like to hold onto the relationship because I’m afraid to get hurt by a stranger. I prefer the familiar pain that I’m accustomed to. 

This year, one of my New Years resolutions is to date guys that I haven’t dated before. It’s worked really well for me, I like two people right now, who I originally refused to date because it was unknown territory. I’ve finally closed the chapter on my Mr.Big, and I finally feel free to love again and I’m excited about it. On another note, aside from the going back to my ex thing, I am Miranda! Maybe I’m emotionally stunted but i think I’ve treated my exes like Steve. Lovely guys who jump through hoops to treat me nicely and who I keep at a safe distance, maybe I do this because I’m expecting my Mr. Big to come charging back into my life on a white horse. Whatever the reason, I’ve stopped the cycle. The guy I’m getting to know told me recently that I’m “hard to please” and he wishes I’d be more agreeable. So next week, I plan to say “yes” more and embrace being more flexibile. It won’t be easy, but if Miranda moved to Brooklyn for Steve, I can say “yes” to lunch at Panera. 
What character resonates with you? 

Were you a super-fan of SATC?