Archives for posts with tag: the reluctant wife

I wish a she-bear would burst into this restaurant and devour me. This date is is going no where fast. No more pastors. #TopieDates 

And for the record, there’s NO WHERE in the Bible where it says that a woman has to change her last name and that has nothing to with her unwillingness to submit. And secondly, no one wants to talk about submission on the first date And thirdly, there’s never a situation where you can eat a sweet potato fry off my plate.


Conversation was great, lots of laughing. For a long time a partner that made me laugh wasn’t a requirement, now it is. He was incredibly witty, well read and a bit snarky but in the good way. I typically avoid discussions about religion or politics but as WOC in the company of a White person, I need to know if you’re Right leaning/homophobic/bigot/transphobic etc. Me: Mmmm, this salmon is so good, so did you vote for Trump? 

Alright, I got my cornmeal porridge and large mint tea. Let’s break this down. If you’re just catching up, I went on a never-ending date with a 42 year old Jewish man. I had a great time. We went out for dinner, had ice cream and shared a slice of “white pizza.” He showed up in a suit, I’m guessing he came right after work. I was impressed that he could actually breathe in his suit. It was fitted but not spray painted on, I hate that trend. Can’t even lift your hands in worship without fear of splitting your jacket. He looked like he cares about skin care and grooming but that he could take a punch to the face. That’s really important to me, being cute is nice, but can you defend me against a mountain lion? 
He had all of his teeth and his nails were manicured. 

Extremely polite, always held my hand whenever we crossed the street, lots of “lower back guiding.” 

He was very… “touchy” 

I’m not sure if it bothered me, I hate physical touch.. or if that’s normal behavior. 

While eating pizza I had some crumbs on my lips and he wiped it off and my stomach felt jumpy. 

I’m not sure if it was butterflies, I mean, I was raised in the mean streets of Mavis. I’m the embodiment of “thug life” I’m not one to be swept up in feely feelings. It was weird.. 


Well, my friends and loved ones, I have my first date in almost 9 years this evening. I’m not sure how to feel about it, I’m a bit nervous, a bit excited, and a wee over it! Like I said on Monday, I hate dating and everything that comes with it, but I’m going to dust off my LBD and hope for the best. Hey, if he doesn’t like my dimple and sense of humor, it’s his loss. I’m also trying to give up control by not asking too much details and going with “the flow.” This will be challenging, because I’m a control freak, but it’s impossible to sustain a relationship if you have to know what’s around every single corner. Old Topie would typically ask where we’re going, look up the menu, ask him what’s he’s wearing, tell him to meet me somewhere, etc. New Topie is going to meet him at my place, get in the car and allow the date, (which is a blind date) to unfold.

These are details! 


Real Estate 

43 (too young, but I’ll allow it) 


Never married, no kids

Loves mountain biking, marathons, classic movies, and traveling. 

He’s funny and texts every day. 

So, the last time I went on date, “Frazier” was on tv, so does anyone have any dating tips they can share? 

If he buys dinner, do I buy dessert? 🤔

If he asks me if I’d like to have a “night cap” should I try to pick one up at CVS or get one before the date starts? Do they sell “night caps” that will fit my head? 🤔

Do I shake his hand or give him a hug? 🤔

Should I bring flats? Or stick to my Tory Burch heels? 🤔

Should I wear a “Sabbath Scent” or wear a lighter daytime scent? 

If he calls a uber, do I offer to split it or let him pay for it? 🤔
Your input would be great and you can follow my date this evening at #TopieDates

If you don’t love me like President Obama loves Michelle, kindly leave me alone. His words and tears gave me the kick in the pants, to finally admit that I want that kind of love. I’m no more the “reluctant wife” but someone who deserves to be loved completely and totally by a great person. No longer will I settle with empty promises, nice intentions, and flowery words. I will instead seek to better myself and prepare myself for the partner I deserve. I will be vulnerable, open and dedicated to putting in the work to create a long lasting relationship. It won’t be easy but it’s absolutely worth it. 
What are your relationship goals? Do you have a couple that you look up to?


*you can follow me @thereluctantwife and on Facebook “The Reluctant Wife” let’s hang out and talk! 


Woman Watching Sunset

It’s been awhile and I’ve had a few days to reflect on my current relationship or lack of relationship and where I want my life to go romantically. I was texting “OrangeFace” (I’m going to call him “Orange Face” from now on) and while we were discussing our last breakup he alluded to the fact that maybe we aren’t meant to be because we can’t seem to get it right. I was absolutely gutted. The last few years have been challenging, but I never imagined that we weren’t compatible or meant for each other. I quickly rushed off the phone, I didn’t want to deal with the rejection, his words, the flip flopping in my stomach or the thought of us not eventually being together. I was paralyzed with fear, I’ve always counted on him loving me. Things have fallen apart many times, through those disappointments and set-backs I’ve always relied on his love to sustain me. He’s the love of my life and though I’ve been unable to love him as I should, the thought of losing him rocked my world. I had to ask myself the hard question, do I want him because loving him is comfortable or do I really want to take the time to nurture and build on our love. I’m scared and nervous and even though I don’t need to have all the answers right now, I know that this might be my last chance to be with the only person who will love me the way that I need to be loved. I’m hoping that my fears and anxieties about relationships won’t usurp the strong feelings that I have for him.

Have you ever been in a “merry-ground” relationship? A relationship that felt so good but you experienced “failure to launch”? If you have, I’d love to hear about it in the comment section!



Thought we had forever

instant chemistry, never had better

slow dancing in the middle of the night

met your family, everything felt right

bogus accusations, cold feet was your decided affliction 

now i’m stuck with memories of what I once knew

can’t even believe that I trusted you