Thought we had forever

instant chemistry, never had better

slow dancing in the middle of the night

met your family, everything felt right

bogus accusations, cold feet was your decided affliction 

now i’m stuck with memories of what I once knew

can’t even believe that I trusted you 

I decided to record a quick podcast featuring some of my reader questions. I’ll be discussing open relationships and a financially illiterate boyfriend! Happy listening, please share and send me your questions and concerns.

click here

 

trw

I enjoy being single but I’m wondering if I’m lying to myself….

https://www.facebook.com/wave.brinson/videos/891360374235441/

You don’t treat me the right way, you use words as your escape 

empty promises, what a mistake

dissed my sweetness for some new cake

crumbs spilled all over your table

you got so full, I blame it on your ego.

mercy and grace, I tried to extend

caught you sleeping with my best friend

what a whirlwind, how could you sleep with my cousin

Is your purpose in life to assault me, asked me to be blind to your creeping

words, sentences, pages, worn covers 

the shit we went through could fill the library of congress

empty words, read between the sentence, you changed your mind about us 

This love affair ended with kisses and despair 

impromptu night visits, lies I can’t revisit 

your sweet taste, your loving embrace, has turned to soul crushing chains

heartsick, dismissed, looking for your face in the shadows

I can only linger, your relationship politics will always get the finger

You’re my trigger, I figured, I was different but I was like the others 

your selective memory and distance, I’m just the shell of me 

 I pretend to stand tall

all those missed call

when we broke up, the shock of it all 

bonafide distress, the chore of getting dressed, I wish i missed you less 

you’ve moved on, trying hard to recall, what we promised each other; we said we’d give our all 

lies, lies, lies, things got tough, I called your bluff, now I’m here sitting with all my fears.

broken promises, you loved me 

i still feel you 

i still need you 

 its 5am, its almost dawn, this is my war song

trw

No phone calls, no texts, no emails, no FB messages, no DMs, no tweets, no letters, nothing. I wasn’t holding out hope but the sudden end of this relationship has thrown me off center. Truthfully, I don’t spend my days thinking about him. I run errands, write, workout, eat my weight in cherries, I’m living. It only hits me at night when I’d rather have the weight of him on me than my comforter, when I long to nestle in the crook of his neck, or when I see pictures of happy couples on my FB timeline, that the pain is sharp and unrelenting. I can’t count how many times I’ve almost called or looked over his texts , dreamily traced his features with my fingers over his pictures. I don’t even think I miss him, in the “boyfriend” sense. He’s never been my boyfriend or even lover. He’s just been a ghost to a happier time in my life.  He represents a time when I allowed myself to be totally enveloped by love. I’ve grown colder, distant and a bit fearful of being in love again but I’ve always let myself go with him. I got caught up in his sweet-nothing’s, laugh and mouth that kissed, pecked and twisted into little white lies that he couldn’t keep up. He’s kept me hostage long enough, this year I’m letting him go. This doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m ready to love someone else, instead I’m giving myself permission to say that I need more. 
trw

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