I love love love this video from Evette James, not only is she hilarious but she’s right on the nose about men who love to use the term “we’re just cool.’ I think being cool is fine but there comes a point in a relationship that cool should turn into commitment. This dude is oblivious to all the things that his girlfriend does for him and with him and if he’s uncomfortable letting people know that he’s in a committed relationship, he needs to go. I’ve never been the type to wash clothes, cook, or spend time with my boyfriends family before commitment. Not that I don’t want to do those kind of things for the person I like, but I’ve been taken advantage of before and I’m careful not to do girlfriend things in the dating stage. The “hook up culture” has completely annihilated the dating stage and it’s my mission to re-introduce it to people that I give love advice to. I love the dating stage, getting to know someone is wonderful and the more time we invest in that stage the better the foundation to build on.
Check out the video and you can find more of her work here
I normally only speak about romantic relationships here but as I grow emotionally, I’m beginning to focus on all aspects of my relationships. To be honest, maintaining relationships have always been challenging for me. I used to blame it on picking the wrong friends, but that’s lazy and I have to own my shit. Truth of the matter is, I’m not a great friend. I’m bad with details, I need a lot of space and I don’t like to catch up. I’ve struggled to change these traits and I’ve come to the place where I’m happy with my quirks but my friends often comment about how isolating our friendship can be for them.
My relationships with my friends are tricky but even press with my family. Over the weekend, I had a huge fight with a family member and I often wonder if I’m the only one who doesn’t want a personal or loving relationship with their family. I know that family is important and that family is all I have at the end of the day…but… my family can be incredibly draining and dealing with the intricacies of each persons personality is excruciating for me. I see now why people avoid family events like the plague. As I slowly detach from mine, feelings of uncertainty and fear are slowly creeping in but I’m committed to being around people who love me despite myself and who wish me well.
Are you lose with your family? How do you handle conflict with them?
Did I mention that the guy that I’ve been chatting with for the last two weeks up and disappeared on Valentine’s Day? To say I was a wee crushed is an understatement. I decided to instead celebrate with my bestie. We bought cake and watched a few of our favourite movies. It was perfect.
I almost dropped my phone when he randomly texted me today and is acting like the national holiday for love just didn’t pass. I didn’t mention his absence or how hurt I was. I was my normal witty and cute self but SHEESH! I know it’s been two weeks and I wasn’t expecting candy or flowers but you can at least acknowledge the day. I don’t understand what it is about special occasions that make level-headed men turn into zombies. Acknowledging a special day doesn’t mean that you’re going to propose to the person. Hell, I said “Happy VDAY” to the cashier at Walgreens. Men are so weird, I’m definitely noting this and keeping my eyes open.
Speaking of Walgreens, have you checked out their clearance candy yet?
Do you think I did the right thing by NOT bringing up his disappearance on VDAY?
How was your VDAY? Did you do anything epic?
Valentines Day is fast approaching and it seems like candy-shaped hearts and teddy bears are stalking me. I’m not huge on romantic gestures, or at least that’s what I tell myself so I’m not that hurt when the day finally comes. This year, I’ll be without a Valentine but I do have people who I care for and who love me right back despite my short comings.
I was thinking today that though I’ve made some missteps in love that those missteps have been done in love. My naivety and eagerness to please shouldn’t be squashed because it wasn’t reciprocated but celebrated because I gave my all in love.
I have lots of girlfriends who have been so badly hurt in their relationships that they refuse to open up when love is staring them back in their face. I try to fight against wanting to lock up my heart because I truly believe that the union of two people who love each other is amazing and thrilling and something that we all deserve. Unfortunately that means that we may have to go on some bad dates or endure some crushing break-ups.
So this V-Day, I’m going out with some of my friends for dinner and we’ll talk about our exes, our newly engaged friends and the last date we’ve been on. I’m sure one of my girlfriends will give a dissertation on “why she won’t allow a man to play her” and I will interject that if he played you for giving him your heart, he’s really played himself.
What are you doing for Valentines Day?
“I think the hardest kind of breakup is when two people are meant to be together, but something won’t allow them to be at the moment.”